Everytime I read a magazine (I know, but I’m old) or scan the internet, I am constantly bombarded with advice on “how to be more organised”, “How to manage your time efficiently” and “how to have the perfect family life” “How to achieve that all important work/life balance”. All of which just seem to point out how imperfect our lives as working mothers is, or how inadequate we are for the task.
Well girls I am here to fight for the unorganised, to bring the chaos back and to let you into my wonderful world of UNorganisation…………..
Here is my “Ideal” day versus “The Reality”.
MY IDEAL DAY
6.00 AM: My alarm goes and I wake ready to greet the day, my husband always brings me a cup of hot water and a slice of lemon to start my day (he looks like Brad Pitt by the way)
6.30 – 9 AM: I wake my teenager who opens his adoring little eyes and greets me with a hug, before “jumping’ out of bed and heading off to do his early morning chores.
The rest of the family all jump up too, ready to start the day and eager to learn whats ahead. Lovingly prepare organic breakfast/lunch and dinner. Then “skip” to school before heading off for a 20 mile run, to keep myself trim and fit for Bradd.
11.00 AM: I head into the studio and photograph more perfect families, beautiful and co-operative families then continue to organise my diary, market my business and ponder on how wonderful my life is and how well I seem to manage it all.
3.00 -6.00 PM: Time for the school run and more chores for the children before settling down for an hours homework. I often use this time to pick some veg from the garden, the kids clean the veg while I sing and cook
6 -7.00 PM: Well you just know that this is “family fun time”, no ipads in this house, monopoly or scrabble for us please
8- 9.00 PM: We Spend an hour with our teenagers, talking about their day and scheduling our diaries for the next day.
10.00 PM : Off to bed with a cup of chamomile tea…… what a wonderful day
Then I wake up and face my REAL day.
MY REAL DAY
6.20-6.30 AM: I play “alarm chicken” with my husband, this involves pretending to be asleep in the hope the other one will get up.
6.35 AM: Jump up in a rage (can’t believe I have lost two days on the trot!!) and bring the quilt with me (HA HA, try sleeping with no quilt Brad!!), then head into the dungeon that is my teenage sons bedroom and proceed to spend the next 15 mins “gently coaxing” my son out of bed.
6.45 AM: Give up on the gentle coaxing and do my “quilt pull” trick, and run for the kitchen, as the demon awakes
6.50 AM: Pull said son out of the house half dressed with a piece of toast and a Capri sun (freshly squeezed) hanging out of his mouth and drive into the next town to catch the bus he just missed.
7 -7.30 AM: Return home and repeat process for son no 2, only he goes at a much slower pace, and then she appears……………. that woman we swore we would never become………… CRAZY MUMMY!!!!, I try to sit on her but she keeps popping her little head up and saying things like “Can you go any slower?”, she tutts and shouts and before you know it, she has practically thrown a half dressed child out into the street.
7.30 – 7.45 AM: Sit and wait with trepidation for round 2, I gently coax, nice mummy back into the room and calm her with a glass of red bull and a pro plus as she prepares to wake the three youngest. They look so cute when they are sleeping, but its like poking a bees nest…….
8-8.30 AM: All hell breaks lose and before I know it, she’s back, screaming at my children to “brush their laces/tie their teeth/and stop making a mess”, coco pops are thrown around the house and nice mummy has left and headed to the nearest bar.
8.30 – 8.45 AM: Try to get three hyper active monkeys from the house to the car, which can involve anything from dragging, pulling or sometimes just sitting in the car banging my head on the steering wheel!!!
9 AM: Drop the little darlings off at school
9.05 AM: Drive back to school with lunch boxes/pe kit/homework or a child who has forgot to get out of the car
9.10 AM: Consider attempting to clear the rubble from my kitchen and then think “what the hell, they’ll be back in a few hours anyway”. Clear a walkway from kitchen to hall and convince myself that EVERYTHING should go in the cloakroom.
11.00 AM: Collect my coat from the cloakroom and receive a serious head injury from the debris that has fallen out (seriously I once found a bike in there) then head into work and patiently photograph more crazy children while saying to parents “There are no worse than my own” (there ARE no worse than my own!!)
2.45 PM: Start to get ready to leave work and head for school run
2.50 PM: Gently push out the person who has decided to just “drop in” because their second cousin is getting married in 2025 and they would love to hear about all my albums.
3.05 PM: Lock the door of the studio (with crazy person still inside) and race to school, to greet three sad little faces complaining about me “always being late”. Then listen to rows, demands for tea and that dreaded question “where are we going this afternoon?”.
3.30 PM: Crazy mummy has appeared again and roars and shouts all to get 5 mins of homework done
3.45 PM: Sit down with homework and put a pencil in my left hand and do it myself (I am getting really good at it!!!)
5 .00 PM: Stick some pasta in a pot and call it “tea”
5.05 PM: Fight with everyone about who is going where and look in toilet/under dog/neighbours garden for cricket/football/irish dancing/ballet kit.
5.10 PM: Divide and conquer to do drop offs at cricket/football/irish dancing
5.15 PM: Realise I have made the following mistakes:
1) Dropped my 8 year old boy to ballet instead of football!
2) Left one at football, in cricket gear (complete with bat)!
3) There is still one in the car and I have no idea where they are supposed to be!
5.30 PM: Start the collection process and apologise to all coaches about our lack of commitment and wrong attire, although the ballet teacher thinks there is a lot of potential there……..
6.00 PM: Return home and realise I forgot to wash dinner dishes, so spend half an hour chiselling cold pasta off bowls
7.00 PM: Try ….. and fail to get some more homework done….. get out the pencil in my left hand……and this is for the teenager!!!
8.00 PM: Start the row to get everyone to bed
8.15 PM: Manage to capture at least one and give them a dunk in the bath, while the other two escape back onto the street
8.30 PM: Capture another one and repeat the process while the first one escapes from their bedroom with the cry of “Im hungry/thirsty/in the wrong house.
9.00 PM: Beg and give in to all demands with the promise that if it happens again tomorrow night I will inflict some serious consequence that I can’t even mentioned it will be so bad
9.30 PM: Head downstairs to teenagers wanting kits washed for the morning, wanting another dinner made “cus pastas not a dinner”
10.00 PM: Put the pasta in the washing machine and the kits in the bowls, before begging everyone to go to bed
11.00 PM: Head upstairs leaving teenagers downstairs punching lumps out of each other, then reach the top of the stairs to find the hot press emptied and three children lying on a bed of towels and blankets sleeping in the hall
11.05 PM: Step over them and head to bed, promising that tomorrow I will be much more organised
11.10 PM: Find another child in the bed who I forgot to return home……………………………….
So that is it a day in my wonderful life!!!! Not so organised, not so perfect, its crazy, its hectic…………..and I LOVE it xx
lol very good defiantly a friend of Anna Nugent lol
So good. Similar to my family.
This is hilarious. Had me laughing the whole way through. Definitely sounds like my house was for many years. Great blog!! xx